his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
