The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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