We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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