I just threw up on my dentist
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
