I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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