Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
