You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
