can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
