; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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