And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I believe in your delicious
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
