In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
