I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
