I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he thought i was a dude.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
