I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
