I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
