____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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