i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
