giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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