We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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