How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
