I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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