1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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