hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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