he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
