I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
