Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
