Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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