if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
