You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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