i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
