I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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