well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
