It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
