How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Quick, to the slutcave!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
