Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
