but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
