if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
