We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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