what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
