It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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