I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
