wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
