Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
