you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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