I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
