Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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