I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
