I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
