no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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