I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everyone says I win the strip club
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
