fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
