Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
