I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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