first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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