We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
