Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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