I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
