If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
