Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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