If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
