At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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