one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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