The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
