Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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