Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think i got beer on your cat.
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