So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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