everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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