mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
