Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
