I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
