Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
