I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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