New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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