Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
